Reflection. Sometimes thoughts flow my head like a maniac, and then I know that I have to put everything in order again. So every now and then I do that, and every now and then I share that. I sometimes say that I get black moments and white moments be part on What About Her, as well as all the gray in between. Lately, I’m mostly sharing my journey of exploring the world and I think it is time to muse. Share a little gray, a little what hangs in between. Reflect, hang those moments on a clothesline and just look at them. Think them over.
Moments. The most beautiful moments I share with the love of my life. I’m still head over heels. I realize more and more that my boyfriend is always there for me, how erratic I may be. I am immensely grateful to him, for who he is and for whom we are together. Yes, I love this man with all my heart. This year I’ve got to know amazing people, and the people that I would forever keep in my life are still there. And I am more than happy with that selective group of friends. They are completely different from each other, and that makes them so special. I have multiple friends that sometimes don’t even know each other, not one big group of friends. They are all different. I love them for who they are, and maybe even more because of who they are for me. I miss my mother terribly, but I have a bear of a father who always there for me.
I’ve said it many times. Ambitions enough. After my HBO study (international hospitality management) I could start working as hotel manager immediately. Yes, I was good at it. But after two years I realized that my heart was not in it, and that heart I find so important. I have terminated my job and started following my dreams. It makes me happy, but also uncertain. How I work 24/7, do a hundred things at once, shiver while pitching, write articles one hundred times over, and not to mention the sleepless nights. Sometimes I worry about the future (in all aspects) while I have always said that I live day by day. During my travels, I’ve been in villages where ‘worrying’ does not exist, and I thought they were the most beautiful places in the world. A goat, a vegetable garden and a roof over your head. These people are so happy. I don’t need much more than that. I am often more stringent for myself than necessary, and that goes on every aspect. I have to learn to celebrate every victory, instead of keep on racing. Because actually I’m doing just fine. I am quite successful, but I find that hard to see. I do what makes me happy and I can make a living. I’m able to explore the world for my living. How great is that? I still lose my breath at any time traveling, especially when discovering a superb piece of mother earth and I am making stories, the thing where I have always dreamed of. There are more and more beautiful people, special opportunities and huge projects on my path. Ambitions continue to grow, but I grow with them. I always want to go a step further, but I must learn to sometimes slow down. As well in my head. Yes, I’ll be fine.
I’m versatile, sensitive, enthusiastic, creative, spontaneous, sometimes I know very well what I want and often I just don’t. I’m often described as sunshine, but I am full of contradictions. I love to meet new people, but then am afraid to let them in my life. I can’t stop talking if I get the chance, but when it comes down to it I know nothing to say. My humor is cynical and black, the opposite of my hair color. I am not healthy, but I know how to live with pain. I have a natural anxiety. An indomitable urge to explore the world. I’m adventurous, curious and I am open minded in life, though I have a solid wall around me. What I can say is that after a difficult period, the death of my mom, I have picked up the thread again. And even though this thread has become much thinner, I dare to say that I am more than happy. The sadness remains, but changes of color. I follow my heart and although I don’t live an average life, I do what I want to do and more is just not necessary. I have learned that that you always do good, because you are good enough – and that you are someone to be proud of. Always, because it is you. We are all good enough.